3.24.2011
f this
My pissed off at the world, blood boiling and steam almost literally coming out of my ears level is at an 8 out of 10 right now and rising. THIS is why I do not allow myself to own a gun. Somebody please put me in a straight jacket and throw me in a rubber room. NOW.
3.23.2011
Dove Chocolate Promises
"Be mischievous, it feels good"
"There's a time for compromise, it's called 'later'"
"Follow your instincts"
"Temptation is fun...giving in is even better!"
"Love without rules"
"Naughty can be nice"
"Lose yourself in a moment"
Thank you, Dove Chocolate Promises, for your intelligent words of wisdom every time I unfold a piece of chocolate. I guess it is no coincidence that while I feed my body something unhealthy, I might as well fill my mind with equally poisonous ideas such as the crap you print on the inside of the wrappers.
"There's a time for compromise, it's called 'later'"
"Follow your instincts"
"Temptation is fun...giving in is even better!"
"Love without rules"
"Naughty can be nice"
"Lose yourself in a moment"
Thank you, Dove Chocolate Promises, for your intelligent words of wisdom every time I unfold a piece of chocolate. I guess it is no coincidence that while I feed my body something unhealthy, I might as well fill my mind with equally poisonous ideas such as the crap you print on the inside of the wrappers.
Gray Matter
So, before I ramble on about the topic of this blog entry, I have to share what I just learned, which is that the color 'gray' or 'grey' are both spelled correctly for the color term. 'Gray' is the commonly used spelling in American and 'grey' is common for English. Interesting.
Moving on. With everything that is going on right now in the world, politically and environmentally, it absolutely amazes me that there are STILL people in the world, with resources such as television and the internet, who choose to be ignorant about these two topics. I understand, and mostly agree with actually, why people do not want to involve themselves in political matters for reasons such as it being a corrupt system all the way around, or that they believe they are only one person, what is the point in having an opinion, it won't change anything anyway, or because there is a higher power who is in control and we have no business participating in a system that is governed by evil. Here is the thing though.... there is a huge difference between being an activist, or exercising your right to vote and simply educating and informing yourself on the events happening on our planet. Thus, where my title fits in.
I can somewhat understand how someone with no christian background could disregard these events, because they either do not know, or choose not to believe what God warns us of in His Word. But for those who know the Bible very well, and know that it clearly reveals everything happening today as a sign to be prepared for His coming, I'd like to know, why and how they just "don't care" about these kinds of things. It is much easier to ignore the political side of things than to ignore environmental issues, obviously. But both play an equally significant roll. So tell me, is it just laziness? Politics is boring, I will not argue that, but studying math is pretty boring too, not very enjoyable, but it's necessary. Just as political events are necessary. You do not have to involve yourself in them in order to know what's happening. There is a huge difference... miles and miles apart, huge. So stop using those excuses in the above paragraph.
There are two reasons why I felt the need to write this, in as much as I know most people will shrug their shoulders at it. One, because I had to vent about it... it irritates me to no end. And two, because maybe there are just some people who simply don't understand the literal danger they are putting themselves in by not informing themselves and staying up to date. Maybe nothing bad has hit you yet in your part of the world, or country, or what have you, but just as the ripples of a wave, it will come eventually, and if you choose to ignore what's coming, you'll be completely blind sided. Why wouldn't you want to prepare yourselves?
Moving on. With everything that is going on right now in the world, politically and environmentally, it absolutely amazes me that there are STILL people in the world, with resources such as television and the internet, who choose to be ignorant about these two topics. I understand, and mostly agree with actually, why people do not want to involve themselves in political matters for reasons such as it being a corrupt system all the way around, or that they believe they are only one person, what is the point in having an opinion, it won't change anything anyway, or because there is a higher power who is in control and we have no business participating in a system that is governed by evil. Here is the thing though.... there is a huge difference between being an activist, or exercising your right to vote and simply educating and informing yourself on the events happening on our planet. Thus, where my title fits in.
I can somewhat understand how someone with no christian background could disregard these events, because they either do not know, or choose not to believe what God warns us of in His Word. But for those who know the Bible very well, and know that it clearly reveals everything happening today as a sign to be prepared for His coming, I'd like to know, why and how they just "don't care" about these kinds of things. It is much easier to ignore the political side of things than to ignore environmental issues, obviously. But both play an equally significant roll. So tell me, is it just laziness? Politics is boring, I will not argue that, but studying math is pretty boring too, not very enjoyable, but it's necessary. Just as political events are necessary. You do not have to involve yourself in them in order to know what's happening. There is a huge difference... miles and miles apart, huge. So stop using those excuses in the above paragraph.
There are two reasons why I felt the need to write this, in as much as I know most people will shrug their shoulders at it. One, because I had to vent about it... it irritates me to no end. And two, because maybe there are just some people who simply don't understand the literal danger they are putting themselves in by not informing themselves and staying up to date. Maybe nothing bad has hit you yet in your part of the world, or country, or what have you, but just as the ripples of a wave, it will come eventually, and if you choose to ignore what's coming, you'll be completely blind sided. Why wouldn't you want to prepare yourselves?
3.21.2011
lifeline
You know the saying, "I'm at the end of my rope"? Isn't something miraculous or at least uplifting supposed to happen when you reach that point? Or, more accurately, when you slide to that knot... that knot that is meant to give you a little extra time to save yourself or for someone else to save you, before falling into the depths of the unknown. I only assume something like that is supposed to happen because everyone always says "It will be okay... no matter how bad things are now, it will be all right." Nobody ever says, "It's over, your life is eternally doomed for misery." It's a lie. It is possible, very possible, for a happy ending to never show up. It happens all the time.
I was there, at that last knot, hanging there for a long time, too long, and wasn't strong enough, and despite my cries for help, no one heard. I have fallen, finally, into the dark, cold pit called hopeless. The lifeline back to truth and love is out of reach, and there is nothing now, that I can do.
I've tried to understand how I even got here. Most people don't even brave this war and they cowardly dispose of something that once was beautiful. But I did, and have gone back to fight for it over and over, always with the faith that there will be a bloom of change. That glorious change that would make all the bad disappear. Do I not deserve that relief for all the selfless attempts I've endured to save it? To save them. Obviously I don't, so I will just exist by playing my roll, like a little girl's barbie doll, in her big barbie doll house, with a plastic smile until the day He comes to save us. All of us. Happiness, until then, is just a fantasy... one that I refuse to be foolish enough to try and live.
I was there, at that last knot, hanging there for a long time, too long, and wasn't strong enough, and despite my cries for help, no one heard. I have fallen, finally, into the dark, cold pit called hopeless. The lifeline back to truth and love is out of reach, and there is nothing now, that I can do.
I've tried to understand how I even got here. Most people don't even brave this war and they cowardly dispose of something that once was beautiful. But I did, and have gone back to fight for it over and over, always with the faith that there will be a bloom of change. That glorious change that would make all the bad disappear. Do I not deserve that relief for all the selfless attempts I've endured to save it? To save them. Obviously I don't, so I will just exist by playing my roll, like a little girl's barbie doll, in her big barbie doll house, with a plastic smile until the day He comes to save us. All of us. Happiness, until then, is just a fantasy... one that I refuse to be foolish enough to try and live.
3.17.2011
a thousand words...
I pulled the car over into this half ice, half flood covered parking lot to capture this photo today. I love it because with its modest approach, it gives off such a strong vibe. Kind of mysterious, lonely and a little frightening, in a beautiful sort of way. Simple yet unsettling. Basically, if my thoughts were a photograph right now at this moment, this is what it would look like. Welcome to the corridor of my mind.
3.14.2011
AND it's back!
The jolt of motivation I've been waiting for has finally hit me, which I'm going to use to jump start this week by starting my jogging routine and spring cleaning! Don't let my door whack you in your ass, Winter! I need to find a few paths to follow for my jog... something easy for Brody and I to run together. Can't be too busy because that gets tricky, and can't be secluded, because I don't want to be murdered... hmmm. I have GOT to shed this disgusting winter weight that I have lazily allowed to happen, I can't even look in the mirror, grose. I seriously need at least 5 more hours added to my days... there is just not enough time in one day for someone like me who doesn't turn human til 10:00 at the earliest. Mornings suck.
3.11.2011
as brave as a mom
I just got done watching 127 hours, in which, in my opinion, James Franco gives an outstanding performance, and it really got me to thinking... what would I have done in a situation like that? Is it even possible to know at this moment of luxury what I am capable of doing if it came down to life or death?
The only reason I'm blogging about this right now by the way, is because my hard working hunny bunches is passed out on the couch, there's nothing on t.v. and my eyes are too tired to read a book.... but I'm too awake to sleep, ANYWAY....
Wow, to break your own bone completely in half so you can saw through skin, fat, and muscle tissue with a dull knife in order to beat the odds.... yeah, NO THANKS! I am a wimp, I would die. Or would I? I don't know, MAYBE that's one of the reasons we are wired to start going delusional after a few days in extremely harsh environments, so one is insane enough to be able to pull that off. Possible.
But, (there's always a but) if having to do something like that was necessary in order to save my child from harm, I can honestly say right now, that I would in a fraction of a heartbeat. And then some. Is it not only human nature, but instinct of all living intelligent life to do radical things (with the help of an amazing thing called adrenaline) in order to save one's SELF and escape death? But I'm pretty sure I would rather give up and starve to death if that was the only option against sawing my arm off. You have to give it up for a mother's love... it's almost unnatural. :)
The only reason I'm blogging about this right now by the way, is because my hard working hunny bunches is passed out on the couch, there's nothing on t.v. and my eyes are too tired to read a book.... but I'm too awake to sleep, ANYWAY....
Wow, to break your own bone completely in half so you can saw through skin, fat, and muscle tissue with a dull knife in order to beat the odds.... yeah, NO THANKS! I am a wimp, I would die. Or would I? I don't know, MAYBE that's one of the reasons we are wired to start going delusional after a few days in extremely harsh environments, so one is insane enough to be able to pull that off. Possible.
But, (there's always a but) if having to do something like that was necessary in order to save my child from harm, I can honestly say right now, that I would in a fraction of a heartbeat. And then some. Is it not only human nature, but instinct of all living intelligent life to do radical things (with the help of an amazing thing called adrenaline) in order to save one's SELF and escape death? But I'm pretty sure I would rather give up and starve to death if that was the only option against sawing my arm off. You have to give it up for a mother's love... it's almost unnatural. :)
3.06.2011
taken with a season.
BUT....
I've come across a predicament. There is no emotion. I don't FEEL anything right now... I havn't for a while. I always thought the worst thing was feeling sad or mad, but this... this numbness is something I don't know how to deal with. I'm having a hard time even writing about it, because there's just... nothing.
I believe, drawing near to the end of hell, I mean winter, that it is to blame. Surprise, surprise... I know. But really, this winter has lasted forever, and with it, a record amount of snow, and at piercingly frigid temps. So along with the chilling of the outdoors, always seems to come the chilling of my soul. I think it has finally put me into a coma... an "I don't give a crap about anything anymore" coma.
So here I waste away, desperately awaiting the arrival of my dear companion, Spring, to thaw my heart of ice while I try to put a fake smile on my face. Her gentle, fragrant breeze with soft, green grass adorned by petals of every color, and soothing rains, followed by warm kisses from the sun's glowing rays will be here soon, along with my most cherished gift of all, she brings me every year... my passion, the light against the dark... my hope and reason. I try to make myself forget that in a short while, it will all slip away once again before I will ever be ready, allowing the cycle to keep rolling on, rolling away with my happy, with my joy, and with my ability to feel.
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