There's this cute little wooden sign in one of the lab rooms of a clinic I work at. It says, "If at first you don't succeed, do it like your mother told you." which coincidentally I found myself having to apply last night, after receiving a phone call from my mom. I won't go into detail about the root of my last blog, but as mother's always know, she knew without me saying, what circumstance was causing me to dwell on the thought of destiny/fate and God's will. I'm kind of amazed that she figured what it was, but I'm not surprised.
So anyway, this is what she told me, and she's right. God is our Father. Sometimes, just as we prepare our children for the harsh world they live in, by putting them through trials, so does God, and only out of love. It is still up to us to make a choice, and to get whichever grade, we deserve according to our choice. For every action there is a reaction, and we are responsible for whatever happens. God might allow obstacles to cross our path for our own good, but he doesn't force any outcome on anyone.
Philippians 4:6 is amazing. Paul says, "Don't worry about ANYTHING; instead, pray about EVERYTHING. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
I have anxie
ty problems, and this verse is God telling me that there is nothing in this world that I have to worry about! My Father is more powerful than I can even begin to imagine, and at the same time, He loves ME! More than I can even understand. He WANTS me to give all my anxiety and burdens to Him, and to go on living my life completely rid of it all, because He'll handle it for me! What an awesome offer, it should be so easy!! Could it be, that the reason adults have such a hard time with this, and that we are so unhappy all the time is because of our lack of FAITH!? In Mark 10:14-15 JESUS Himself tells us, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you, anyone who doesn't have their kind of faith will never get into the Kingdom of God." Look at how happy and carefree children are! There is not a doubt in their little hearts that Jesus is right beside them loving them and taking care of them, and they don't have to worry about anything. This is how I want to live.
I find myself questioning every little thing lately. I don't believe in destiny. I never have, and I am almost certain I never will. Events that happen in your life are results of choices you make, not because it was 'destined' to happen. I mean, come on, seriously, who can honestly believe that load of crap. "What's meant to be will be." What the heck does that even mean? Really, I hate it when that bogus comes out of someones mouth. How lame.
What really irritates me is how this false ideology comes across as so blissful, romantic, and appealing. This whole concept is a wolf in sheep's clothing, and there is certainly nothing blissful about it. For who is going to care about his or her actions when they believe that no matter what they do, their life has a destined outcome. Give me a break. Can you say recipe for disaster!? Poor naive person, they'll go about making mistake after mistake, not knowing that because of their foolishness, there is a possibility of no light at the end of the tunnel. And it was NOT their destiny to have a very unhappy ending, it was they themselves who lead themselves there. Tragic.
So, this brings me to my question, as I stated in the first sentence, that I've been questioning everything lately. God's will. I know God's will is real, and when I pray, I ask that His will, will be done. So I'm trying to differentiate between God's will and destiny, because I know they are different, obviously, one is very real, and the other is a deceitful lie. But they are also so similar. Doesn't asking for God's will to be done, permit Him to take over and direct my path? (That path being what I want or in many cases what I don't want, since I don't know what's best for me, only God does) Is it possible for God's will NOT to be done?! That's a scary thought... does that ever happen?Time to whip out the dictionary. Will: to choose, personal choice, command, last wishes, to cause. Hmmm. So in having someone else apply THEIR own will to MY own life, is kind of like destiny right? But God doesn't give us a destiny, we choose our own fate. I'm confused. I'll have to study this. I'll come back to this when I find my answer.
I think I could seriously go lay in my bed right now, and be completely passed out cold in 3 minutes flat, and sleep until 3. I won't complain that I worked til 1:30 last night, because I need the money desperately, so I'm thankful I have enough work to keep me busy for a full shift, but let me tell you, having to be up at 6:30 sucks. I don't know how people can regularly function on 4 hours of sleep, that's insane... I'm pretty sure I require at least 9 to be a human and not a zombie in the morning.
Well, I've gotten a good amount of feedback on my last blog, (Thank you everyone who took some time to give me advice!) I still haven't figured out what to do, so I think I'm just going to sit on it for a while. I'm sure the answer I'm looking for will come to me after spending some time in prayer. I'm not going to worry about it. Worrying is such a waste of time.
"Do not Worry. Learn to pray about everything. Give thanks to God as you ask Him for what you need. The peace of God is much greater than the human mind can understand. This peace will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:6-7
"We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are chosen to be a part of His plan." Romans 8:28
What a wake up call, a realization of how foolish, selfish, and LUCKY I am. I have a husband, he has a job, I have a job, we have two beautiful, healthy children, a spacious, sturdy house over our head, a furnace to keep the house warm, beds, plenty of clothes and shoes, food, water, at least one working car, a huge family who loves us, many friends, good grief, I could go on with this list for hours, literally. It's a humbling and sobering experience to realize how silly the things are that I am worrying about compared to what millions of others are suffering every single second.
No more sulking in worry and self pity, it really is honestly shameful. Doesn't my worrying show a lack of faith in my God's love for me? How much more satisfying will my life be when troubles come, and I choose instead to be joyful and thankful for all of my blessings!
So, I recently started a so far, semi-legitimate photography business. I'm loving it. I was loving it. You know when you do something, just because you can and want to at the time, but as soon as someone TELLS YOU to do it, you totally don't want to. Okay, this analogy isn't working well, how can I explain this... straight forward > I love taking pictures, I am passionately in love with it.... BUT, making an appointment with someone to take the kind of photos THEY are looking for, the pressure to make them perfectly the way they want it, the fear that it might not be good enough, it's starting to make me feel anxious. Anxiety is the worst feeling in the world.
Is this dream of mine going to slowly kill the passion I have for this gift I've been given? Isn't it everyone's dream to be able to make a living by doing what they love, by pursuing a hobby? Why is this turning out to be a burden?
Now, if I decide that maybe I got in over my head with this business, and drop out, I'll have my freedom back to photograph what I want to, to be an artist of what I choose... but I will feel like a failure, a quitter. Every business has its ups and downs, I realize I need to take the bad with the good, but the scale needs to be in proportion, and if things were weighing in the right way, would I feel like this? Can a person be so strong willed and yet so weak all at the same time? That's me, in a little nut shell. A hard outer layer with a soft and chewy inside. I don't know what to do.
ty problems, and this verse is God telling me that there is nothing in this world that I have to worry about! My Father is more powerful than I can even begin to imagine, and at the same time, He loves ME! More than I can even understand. He WANTS me to give all my anxiety and burdens to Him, and to go on living my life completely rid of it all, because He'll handle it for me! What an awesome offer, it should be so easy!! Could it be, that the reason adults have such a hard time with this, and that we are so unhappy all the time is because of our lack of FAITH!? In Mark 10:14-15 JESUS Himself tells us, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I assure you, anyone who doesn't have their kind of faith will never get into the Kingdom of God." Look at how happy and carefree children are! There is not a doubt in their little hearts that Jesus is right beside them loving them and taking care of them, and they don't have to worry about anything. This is how I want to live.
