Raven

  Dearest Friend,

 Through the bitter blades of winter's wind he flies.  The sweeping of his thick, ebony wings echo through the vast emptiness, finding my ear.  It whispers the lie once again to tighten the chain of which I'm bound.  But the long and twisting roots of my soul are fastened deep to the rock which holds all truth.  Truth that promises the rain.  It is coming to rust and corrode my chain of deception.  Your same deception, in which you are unaware, because he, with thick ebony wings is beside you, feeding and clothing you in the pleasures that are poisoning your own soul.

clothes heap to thought pile

Sometimes trying to blog is like the feeling I got as a child when I was told to clean my room after I hadn't done so in over a month....  overwhelming to it's maximum potential.  Where the hell do I start!  There are so many things I want to say, that I can't find where to begin.  So like the clothes in my cluttered childhood room, my thoughts will remain jumbled in a heap, pushed aside to a corner, leaving a path for all the other brain waves to come through, until later when I get to it.  That's just how I roll.

A short little ramble.

If I actually had the balls to write a story of my life so far...  it would be epic.  Well, to the average person, probably.  Maybe in another 30 years I will.  I'll probably have the balls by then.

I wish I had two big trees that stood about eight feet apart in my back yard.  Hammocks are cool.  I have one, but lack a place to hang it.  I bargained for it in Honduras while on my trip to Belize.  I want to go back there again.  It's so perfectly warm there.  Not too hot, certainly not cold, not even at night, comfortable humidity level, slight breeze, and clean turquoise beaches, friendly people, and good food.

I feel like a lizard that is living miserably in the wrong climate.  I really think that not all people are meant to live just anywhere... just like we have different physical and emotional features, I think we survive better in our individual environments.  Lizards do not adapt to cold climates.  They HAVE to live someplace warm, or they will die.  It's true, Wisconsin is slowly killing me.

So that's my rant for the day.  I better go try to get back to the thing I'm avoiding, (hence the blog)... my never ending routine.  Oh, the joy.

(Shame on me for being so shallow and ungrateful for the life I have, as dull as it may be, I know.  I know about the billions of people who my "problems" can't even come close to comparing to.  Trust me, I understand how pathetic I sound.  There's not even a "but" coming up....  it's just plain and simply... true.)

f this

My pissed off at the world, blood boiling and steam almost literally coming out of my ears level is at an 8 out of 10 right now and rising.  THIS is why I do not allow myself to own a gun.  Somebody please put me in a straight jacket and throw me in a rubber room.  NOW.

Dove Chocolate Promises

"Be mischievous, it feels good"

"There's a time for compromise, it's called 'later'"

"Follow your instincts"

"Temptation is fun...giving in is even better!"

"Love without rules"

"Naughty can be nice"

"Lose yourself in a moment"

Thank you, Dove Chocolate Promises, for your intelligent words of wisdom every time I unfold a piece of chocolate.  I guess it is no coincidence that while I feed my body something unhealthy, I might as well fill my mind with equally poisonous ideas such as the crap you print on the inside of the wrappers.

Gray Matter

So, before I ramble on about the topic of this blog entry,  I have to share what I just learned, which is that the color 'gray' or 'grey' are both spelled correctly for the color term.  'Gray' is the commonly used spelling in American and 'grey' is common for English.  Interesting.

Moving on.  With everything that is going on right now in the world, politically and environmentally, it absolutely amazes me that there are STILL people in the world, with resources such as television and the internet, who choose to be ignorant about these two topics.  I understand, and mostly agree with actually, why people do not want to involve themselves in political matters for reasons such as it being a corrupt system all the way around, or that they believe they are only one person, what is the point in having an opinion, it won't change anything anyway, or because there is a higher power who is in control and we have no business participating in a system that is governed by evil.  Here is the thing though.... there is a huge difference between being an activist, or exercising your right to vote and simply educating and informing yourself on the events happening on our planet.   Thus, where my title fits in.

I can somewhat understand how someone with no christian background could disregard these events, because they either do not know, or choose not to believe what God warns us of in His Word.  But for those who know the Bible very well, and know that it clearly reveals everything happening today as a sign to be prepared for His coming, I'd like to know, why and how they just "don't care" about these kinds of things.  It is much easier to ignore the political side of things than to ignore environmental issues, obviously.  But both play an equally significant roll.  So tell me, is it just laziness? Politics is boring, I will not argue that, but studying math is pretty boring too, not very enjoyable, but it's necessary.  Just as political events are necessary.  You do not have to involve yourself in them in order to know what's happening.  There is a huge difference...  miles and miles apart, huge.  So stop using those excuses in the above paragraph. 

There are two reasons why I felt the need to write this, in as much as I know most people will shrug their shoulders at it.  One, because I had to vent about it... it irritates me to no end.  And two, because maybe there are just some people who simply don't understand the literal danger they are putting themselves in by not informing themselves and staying up to date.  Maybe nothing bad has hit you yet in your part of the world, or country, or what have you, but just as the ripples of a wave, it will come eventually, and if you choose to ignore what's coming, you'll be completely blind sided.  Why wouldn't you want to prepare yourselves?

lifeline

You know the saying, "I'm at the end of my rope"?  Isn't something miraculous or at least uplifting supposed to happen when you reach that point?  Or, more accurately, when you slide to that knot...  that knot that is meant to give you a little extra time to save yourself or for someone else to save you, before falling into the depths of the unknown.  I only assume something like that is supposed to happen because everyone always says "It will be okay... no matter how bad things are now, it will be all right." Nobody ever says, "It's over, your life is eternally doomed for misery."  It's a lie.  It is possible, very possible, for a happy ending to never show up.  It happens all the time. 

I was there, at that last knot, hanging there for a long time, too long, and wasn't strong enough, and despite my cries for help, no one heard.  I have fallen, finally, into the dark, cold pit called hopeless.  The lifeline back to truth and love is out of reach, and there is nothing now, that I can do.
I've tried to understand how I even got here.  Most people don't even brave this war and they cowardly dispose of something that once was beautiful.  But I did, and have gone back to fight for it over and over, always with the faith that there will be a bloom of change.  That glorious change that would make all the bad disappear.  Do I not deserve that relief for all the selfless attempts I've endured to save it?  To save them.  Obviously I don't, so I will just exist by playing my roll, like a little girl's barbie doll, in her big barbie doll house, with a plastic smile until the day He comes to save us.  All of us.  Happiness, until then, is just a fantasy... one that I refuse to be foolish enough to try and live. 

a thousand words...

I pulled the car over into this half ice, half flood covered parking lot to capture this photo today.  I love it because with its modest approach, it gives off such a strong vibe.  Kind of mysterious, lonely and a little frightening, in a beautiful sort of way.  Simple yet unsettling.  Basically, if my thoughts were a photograph right now at this moment, this is what it would look like.  Welcome to the corridor of my mind.

AND it's back!

The jolt of motivation I've been waiting for has finally hit me, which I'm going to use to jump start this week by starting my jogging routine and spring cleaning!  Don't let my door whack you in your ass, Winter!  I need to find a few paths to follow for my jog... something easy for Brody and I to run together.  Can't be too busy because that gets tricky, and can't be secluded, because I don't want to be murdered... hmmm.  I have GOT to shed this disgusting winter weight that I have lazily allowed to happen, I can't even look in the mirror, grose.  I seriously need at least 5 more hours added to my days...  there is just not enough time in one day for someone like me who doesn't turn human til 10:00 at the earliest.  Mornings suck.  

as brave as a mom

I just got done watching 127 hours, in which, in my opinion, James Franco gives an outstanding performance, and it really got me to thinking... what would I have done in a situation like that?  Is it even possible to know at this moment of luxury what I am capable of doing if it came down to life or death?

The only reason I'm blogging about this right now by the way, is because my hard working hunny bunches is passed out on the couch, there's nothing on t.v. and my eyes are too tired to read a book.... but I'm too awake to sleep, ANYWAY....

Wow, to break your own bone completely in half so you can saw through skin, fat, and muscle tissue with a dull knife in order to beat the odds....  yeah, NO THANKS!  I am a wimp, I would die.  Or would I?  I don't know, MAYBE that's one of the reasons we are wired to start going delusional after a few days in extremely harsh environments, so one is insane enough to be able to pull that off.  Possible.

But, (there's always a but) if having to do something like that was necessary in order to save my child from harm,  I can honestly say right now, that I would in a fraction of a heartbeat.  And then some.  Is it not only human nature, but instinct of all living intelligent life to do radical things (with the help of an amazing thing called adrenaline) in order to save one's SELF and escape death? But I'm pretty sure I would rather give up and starve to death if that was the only option against sawing my arm off.  You have to give it up for a mother's love...  it's almost unnatural.  :)

taken with a season.

I feel I have to write when I'm upset.  I think most people, who enjoy writing anyway, do too... maybe not.  Emotions are kind of like a drug.  They take you on a journey away from truth, away from reality.  It's not wise to make decisions based on emotion.  That's why I write, because I cannot stand around doing nothing when I'm emotional... (I hate that word, 'emotional'... makes it sound like I'm some kind of a drama whore.  But I'm not.) So, if I don't write my "crazy" out, then the only other option is to act on it... which let me just say, will get anyone in trouble.

BUT....

I've come across a predicament.  There is no emotion.  I don't FEEL anything right now... I havn't for a while.  I always thought the worst thing was feeling sad or mad, but this... this numbness is something I don't know how to deal with. I'm having a hard time even writing about it, because there's just... nothing.

I believe, drawing near to the end of hell, I mean winter, that it is to blame.  Surprise, surprise... I know.  But really, this winter has lasted forever, and with it, a record amount of snow, and at piercingly frigid temps.  So along with the chilling of the outdoors, always seems to come the chilling of my soul.  I think it has finally put me into a coma...  an "I don't give a crap about anything anymore" coma.

So here I waste away, desperately awaiting the arrival of my dear companion, Spring, to thaw my heart of ice while I try to put a fake smile on my face.  Her gentle, fragrant breeze with soft, green grass adorned by petals of every color, and soothing rains, followed by warm kisses from the sun's glowing rays will be here soon, along with my most cherished gift of all, she brings me every year... my passion, the light against the dark... my hope and reason.  I try to make myself forget that in a short while, it will all slip away once again before I will ever be ready, allowing the cycle to keep rolling on, rolling away with my happy, with my joy, and with my ability to feel.

It's all in the dent

Today, three days after the blizzard we had, the snowplow FINALLY decided to grace our road after all the snow had already been packed down from all the cars driving on it for those days, which left the end of each driveway with a special gift of about 600 pounds of a 2 feet by 3 feet pile of snow to shovel if you wanted to get in or out.  Well I had a crammed day, which allowed me no time to shovel, leaving me to have to park on the side of the road.  

Apparently my brilliant neighbors, directly across the street, never learned to look behind them when backing out of their driveway, and rammed right into the side panel of my car, causing my driver side door to be completely incapable of opening.  

Do you think they had the courtesy to come and tell me?  Nope.  I guess they just figured they'd flee the scene and leave me with a car wreck.  Funny thing though... they failed to realize that the deep dent they left was a direct hit, not possible by a side sweep, leaving only the possibility of THEMSELVES to be the culprits.  


Crappy thing is, the neighborhood I live in sucks so bad, that even confronting them about it would get me no where.  If they weren't the cowards that they are, and would have just told me about it, I would have just thanked them for their honesty and sent them on their way.  But they'll never know that now.  


Tomorrow morning when they walk out their front door, they'll be greeted with a big sign on the snowbank in front of my house that reads,  'The dent you left proves it'.  And they can live with the feeling of how shallow they are.

Who's it about?

Listen up, cuz I'm done repeating -

Like a broken record,

Are your ears bleeding?

I'm sick of this place -

Not the ground that I tread,

It's the chaos upstairs -

The dark room in my head.

You say that you try,

They say that they care, 

But saying is vomiting worthless, thin air.

When will you do

What you promise to think?

I'm waiting for something, 

For someone to blink -

Cuz all that I see are zombies walking,

Where's the warmth and the life,

The loving, the talking?

My patience is thin,

Wearing down to the wire.

Grant me some peace, 

Somehow let this expire.

Walmart and my new found phobia.

I learned two things today.  The first, to never, ever, EVER....  step foot in Walmart on a Sunday.  The second is, that I, with no doubt, have Enochlophobia.  I'm pretty sure that everyone there, minus a few creepy people, were uncomfortable about being around that many people in terribly narrow isles as well.  But I almost had a breakdown!!  The urge to ram my cart into the cluster of humans in my way and scream at the top of my lungs was moments away from being an actual reality.  Therefore, I forced myself to check out and leave, only having about a sixth of my shopping list checked off.  I am a people phobe, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.  And just another something extra to add, I easily could have contributed at least 10 awesome photos to peopleofwalmart.com today if I would have had my phone with me.  It is a scary, SCARY place, and I never want to go back.  I will never understand how people can honestly enjoy city living.  Icky. 


This poor child could probably relate with how I felt today.

I hate myself today.  :(

That's all.

Rachel and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I am so insanely irritable today.  The levels are bursting through the roof.  The little things that have set me off today....  

1. water droplets running down my face in the shower because they were tickling my skin... it usually doesn't tickle, my nerve endings are just obnoxiously sensitive today.

2. trying to tuck my shirt in my pants KNOWING that i CAN NOT STAND a tucked in shirt...just to find out that YES, i STILL can not and will not ever tuck in my shirts... ugh, seriously the most annoying feeling ever!

3. every strand of a loan hair, sticking to my face, once again tickling my skin, thanks to this awesome thing called static, thriving because of yet an even more awesome thing called winter....  

4. my itchy bra strap.... being a woman can only be accomplished by someone as strong as one... men could never put up with what we go through for a day.

5. so much more, and simply the fact that i am not in my bed sleeping.

Today is just going to be one of those days.... I know I'm supposed to just "change my attitude" and I have the power to have a great day... most of the time this is true... but today, that is just a load of bull.  

The best thing that could happen to me today, is having an accident of some sort, putting me on bed-rest until early April.

She's got it all...

As I pulled up to the pick-up window at Starbucks yesterday, ahead of me was a black Nissan murano (which is currently, and has been for a while, my favorite vehicle.)  I WANT ONE SO BAD!!  And THEN, out of the open window of the back seat popped the most adorable canine head I've ever seen, the head of a Burnese Mountain Dog, (which is currently, and has been for a while, my favorite dog.)

So there I sat, just staring at this view in front of me, of my ideal life being lived by another woman.  

I'm one of those really strange people who thinks that most random happenings are of no coincidence.  

So was it to make me feel like crap?  Like that's what I could have if I made all the right choices in my life?

Or was it to make me think, maybe someday....

OR MAYBE.... it was meant to be like a big bucket of icy cold water being thrown in my face as if to wake me up from this materialistic fantasy world I slip into now and then.  And I only say that because of the face of the woman inside her murano, accompanied by her gorgeous Burnese Mountain dog, sitting there waiting for her coffee...  she looked miserable, sad, tired, and lonely. 

I like my little sunfire.  She's super comfortable for my 5 ft. 2 stature, and she's pretty sexy if I must say, not very fast, but hot.

And Brody is the sweetest mutt in the world!  I'd go crazy without him!  I'd bet my bank account that he's smarter than any burnese too!  His latest trick is being shot dead when i say "bang bang".  It only took him a day and a half (like all his other awesome tricks) to learn!

So yeah, I'm pretty lucky.  I really am.

Short and Sweet

I want to simply just say that so far, 2011 is an awesome year!! I am very hopeful and optimistic that it will continue in its awesomeness. 

Statice Photography is also blossoming into everything I was dreaming of!  Which, if I'm being honest, I didn't expect to happen, especially in the middle of winter! 

So this short but sweet little blog is dedicated to first and foremost God, who doesn't stop at supplying my needs but goes further and provides also for my wants.  Then to all the wonderful people in my life who've blessed me with such wealth, the kind that money can't buy. 

The Power of RED

I don't know why I don't fit into this majority, but fiction books sell out 60% compared to non-fiction.  I like fiction, it's fun.  But I'm always drawn to the non-fiction books, and find lately that it's all I read.  Anyway, I was reading an article from the Journal of Experimental Psychology titled Red, Rank, and Romance in Women Viewing Men.  Apparently, studies show that woman percieve men wearing the color red to be higher up in status, and just visually more appealing.  The mind is sexually attracted to the color red.  

Take birds and fish for example.  The females are attracted to the very colorful males, red, in particular.  So now, after reading this article, I'm finding myself imagining my husband wearing a red shirt compared to the white Hanes t-shirts and blue jeans that he wears every single day, seriously.  And after realizing that I think I would like him in red,  I'm trying to figure out if I really AM more attracted to the mental picture of him in red, or if after reading this article, am just influenced in THINKING i think I like him better in red....

I guess I'll never know.  But I think I'm going shopping for a large, red, shirt.  :)

Best Candids of each month from 2010~

January:  Maddie, wrapped in a towel after her bath, staring out the window with the sunlight glowing off of her skin.

 

 

 

 

February: The kids had fun feeding the mallards, and the one goose that they adopted into their flock, when I took them down to the frozen lake.

March:  Had to capture this moment, Zimmy, watching the birds through the window.

April:  Honored to shoot the wedding of my brother in law Brian and his wife Chrystelle.  The sun was setting perfectly behind them to give this photo a soft, hazy effect.

May:  These black swans posed perfectly in the shape of a heart for me at my son's field trip.

June:  Wanted to try a new approach and experiment with angles.  I love how the sun shines through the pedal, showing it's veins~

July:  This beautiful red admiral let me come so close to him, letting me catch the specs of pollen on his legs, and even the detail of his antenna.

August:  This little cutie is the youngest child of friends of ours.  We all went to the lake one Sabbath afternoon, and he was all about being in the spotlight!

September:  Took the kids to a gorgeous new park, here they are exploring ahead of me up the path.

October:  Waiting to pick up Ethan from school, I couldn't resist shooting this awesome scene Rib Mountain was displaying at sunset.

November:  Took advantage of the visit I had with my darling little nephew, Carter, and set him up for a photo shoot!  Can't get enough of his sweetness!

December:  Noticed the moon peaking through the wispy clouds as the sun was setting, here at the dog park.